WHEN The Doctor and The Colonel aren't chaperoning netball trips, they're on a quest to make Warrnambool a better place.
This week, The Doctor was hard at work in their secret headquarters in the Fletcher Jones Silver Ball when The Colonel returned from an outing brandishing a high-powered rifle.
The Doctor glared at The Colonel. "Where have you been with that gun? And can you stop pointing it at me?''
"Oh, sorry, Doctor, force of habit,'' The Colonel said, lowering the rifle. "Good thing it wasn't loaded... oh wait....''
"What have I told you about taking your guns out in public?''
"This time it was for a good cause, Doctor. I was up in the sand dunes making sure horses weren't trampling the nests of endangered migratory hooded plovers.''
"Please tell me you weren't shooting at the horses....''
"No, of course not. I was just firing wildly in the air to warn them away from the nests. Unfortunately in doing so there was some collateral plover damage, but I figure if I kill two to save 10 then that's a win in my book. Who knew the little buggers could fly anyway?''
"Well, they don't migrate to the Northern Hemisphere each year by walking.''
"Good point.''
The Doctor returned to his work and The Colonel put his gun back in his armoury. "So what are you up to, Doctor?''
"I'm just working on my policies for my campaign in the upcoming council election.''
"No need - I've already taken care of that for you.''
The Doctor groaned as The Colonel produced a piece of paper. "As your spin-colonel, Doctor, I've put together a list of policies you'll need to become Supreme Lord Councillor of Warrnambool. I've already taken the liberty of sending the list to the media.''
The Doctor's eye widened in horror as he snatched the list from The Colonel's hand. "You did what?'' he exclaimed. He quickly perused the document. "Policy number one - make the boats at Lake Pertobe go faster. Policy number two - build more Mahogany Ship replicas. Policy number three - bring back the diving board at the pool and add some water slides. Policy number four - build a monorail from the CBD to Lake Pertobe, as well as the world's largest ferris wheel. Policy number five - build a two-kilometre-high tower. Policy number six - control violence in the CBD by boosting police numbers with robocops... these are ridiculous ideas, Colonel, and there's still another 30 on the page! I can't believe you sent this out to the media! You've ruined my campaign! I'll never become a councillor now!''
"Yeah, you're probably right - that's what the polls are predicting,'' The Colonel said matter-of-factly. "But apparently you've cornered the conservative white Colonel vote.''
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